During 9-15 October 2017, people are raising awareness about baby loss. Some of you may have seen last year’s post that I dedicated to this awareness day. Others will have also seen a personal story about my mum’s experience with baby loss.
Parenthood is a dream for some, while it isn’t always expected for others. Whatever your situation, the nerves and excitement eventually kick in during the pregnancy stage. Amid all the morning sickness and other side effects that is. But isn’t all that worth it to know you’re bringing a new life into the world? As scary of a feeling I imagine it to be, I hope to bring my own children into the world one day.
Seeing a child come into this world is extra special to me. Whenever I’ve seen new life come into the world, from someone who I’m close to, I love to capture that very moment. It’s a brand new life being welcomed into the world. Tiny feet, tiny hands, that little button nose. What a beautiful moment.
Baby loss with the people close to me
Then a part of me feels something else. I think about all of the people close to me who have lost children. There are several kinds of pregnancy loss. All can be as heart-breaking as the other. That’s why, if I’m lucky enough to have children in the future, I will take that moment and hold it close to my heart forever. I’ll precious each and every moment.
As a little girl, I was oblivious to the fact that my mum had more than one miscarriage and also lost her little girl. My mum only ever very openly spoke to me about Nicola last year. Things had been mentioned previously but never with such descriptive and emotional detail. That’s something which torn my mum to pieces in the process, but she knows that it would be so valuable to baby loss awareness stories.
There’s a photo of Nicola in our house. But we don’t look at it a lot. It never gets any easier for my mum and dad to see. It takes them back to the very day it all happened. That one photo takes my mum on a flood of emotional downfalls. We never forget 9 December. I always try to do something small but special on that day. And every day, I just want to be the ‘little miracle’ that mum and dad always wished for.
Their little miracle
There are many photos of me in their collections, just like there are of my two brothers. That doesn’t mean they’ll ever forget Nicola. They were never given the chance to make these memories with her. So we have to do what we can to give them what we can.
I can’t even imagine how mum and dad felt when I was coming into the world three months early. First they didn’t even think it was possible to conceive a girl again, and then something else happens. Someone out there obviously wanted to give my mum and dad the little girl they’ve always wanted earlier than expected. And it was all worth it when they could finally hold me. In that moment, the bleeping heart monitors, portholes, and breathing tubes disappeared. The moment froze in time.
You’re not alone
To anyone who’s grieving right now, there’s always someone out there to talk to. You need to know that. You don’t have to be alone. Take a look on websites such as Tommy’s, Bliss, and Sands. I received a tremendous amount of support from a lady at Tommy’s named Devina. Their overall resources available, as well their commitment to helping others during these heart-breaking experiences is absolutely amazing.
Raising awareness of baby loss is something I will always want to do. And I hope to complete more awareness and fundraising activities in the future.
The silence definitely needs to be broken on this topic. See how you can join in to raise awareness here.