feeling wanted

Changing the Feeling of Worry to Wanted

Being a worrier, having someone love me for all of my flaws gives me a feeling that no one else on this earth could replace. The love from your parents can never be replaced; the love from our brothers and sisters; likewise the person who lights up our world like no other can never be replaced.

There comes a time when a certain person in your life becomes more significant and makes your life become something so more meaningful. This is to no disrespect to the ones who we love already but it has taken this person who realise who I am and how strong I can be.

I am still working on the strong part as I think I need to be stronger – this could be why I worry so much. I wish I didn’t worry so much, it doesn’t do any justice to your mind nor does it put your mind at peace. That being said, I always want to work on myself. I worry when I think I won’t be able to reach as far as I’d like to have done so.

Ever had the feeling where you felt like you couldn’t have done something without someone? Danny always tells me that he wouldn’t have graduated without me. Truth is, he certainly would have. I simply supported him and helped wherever I could. I will always help Danny.

He’s always at the other end of the phone for me; he runs right to me if there’s an emergency or even a little less emergency and I’m just down. He puts everything into making me happy, which is why I can understand all the times it’s ever gotten to him whenever something upsets me.

I’ve gone past the stage of ever worrying about us which is why I really need to stop relating to other peoples’ problems or coming up with past stories when I’m better than that. I want to be me. I know that the real me is someone who gets up smiling when someone knocks me down and does my best.

I probably given my head its overtime of worrying. It’s created scenarios; worried too many what ifs, and been very anxious towards certain matters. Danny is someone who has seen each and every thought that goes on in my mind. He hears them without me even having to say a word.

I used to punish myself and him and not say anything. I never knew that opening up to someone, who I only ever could in this way with Danny, can take away so much pain and damage that you’re giving yourself.

I honestly aim to be more forward minded. It’s something I want to do for us to show Danny that I can be even stronger; but also for myself.

I remember the smile Danny used to give me and I would look back and smile; it was a nice little moment we shared. The look is still here – it has grown from wishing I had someone like Danny to knowing that I never want anybody else. I say this without putting Danny on a pedestal and with all honesty – anyone who takes Danny out of their life are a fool.

I’ve said it and my mum still says it to this day, he reminds us so much of my grandad. He’s a man with the biggest heart. Perhaps that’s why I’ve grown a lot stronger as I’m part of it?

I always seen myself as the person who didn’t always have something when I was at school, college, and university. I was never in the popular group but I had my close group of friends which was all I needed. With Danny though, he never looked at me in a different light. He always looked my way going down the corridors at college – he tells me that he used to turn back too. He would walk a certain way to hope to bump into me around the beginning of university.

Then

No one truly knew back then how close we were and some don’t even know how close we are now. But for those that know, they really know.

I was always terrified of being the girl he told all of his friends about. I was scared a lot of the time but he’s shown me that I’ve always been the person he fell in love with. I should have believed him when he told me I looked good one day when I was sixteen.

I’m going to turn twenty-three this year and it still makes me smile whenever he tells me I look beautiful – especially when I’m feeling incapable of loving myself or when I’m makeup-less or my skin comes out in dry skin. I could gain spots or pounds and I am sure that he will still love me the same. In fact, he must do, because he has seen me at my best and worst, physically and emotionally.

Growing into a closer friendship he seen some of my highs and lows and falling in love he began to see more. It’s never mattered to him what part of the group I’m in, how many friends I’ve got or that I don’t glam up every day.

Today I look at myself – pyjamas currently on with a big bed throw wrapped around me over my shoulders… I was terrified of being the girl for Danny when deep down, I could be the biggest friend he’ll ever gain. I will always want to hug him, kiss him, make him laugh, and most of all be there. I have and feel something which I never thought I’d have – to be in love with a man who turned into my best friend.

And now


It’s important to love yourself. It’s that little more special when someone devours you; but remember the first step is to accept yourself and to see some kind of beautiful in yourself.

 

2 thoughts on “Changing the Feeling of Worry to Wanted

  1. Awwwh what a heartfelt, loving post!!!! I love this its so personal to you thanks for sharing with us all!!! I agree that you have tonlove yourself but having someone there that completely admires and adores you and likewise for youself makes it all the more easier right!?

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