Years can go by and yet you can never forget someone. You don’t forget their smile, their laugh, their ways. Even if you were at a much younger age than what you are now, there’s always something you can remember someone by.
I’ve wondered if some things I’ve seen/maybe not seen and felt are strange in the eyes of other people. There’s been a time where I’ve been travelling home on a plane from a holiday and I’ve awaken from a small sleep and seen a figure of my granny in the clouds. Some may say it’s weird but I say it’s her looking over me. At the time I wasn’t the bravest of people as there was wind turbulence.
I’ve smelt Red Door perfume when a person has walked by and automatically I think of my granny and wonder if it’s a coincidence or if she’s there when I’ve been thinking about her the most at a time of sadness or struggle. Sometimes, I just like to think about my granny and grandad regardless of the date or time of year. They’re never a thought away to be honest.
Other people might not get it. But I always felt happy when I worked at United to think that grandad was converted to a United fan and whenever I went to see a match, I’d imagine him sat there in the crowd as he used to go to watch them.
I feel blessed to have a niece – such a beautiful and clever god-daughter of mine. I think it’s even more amazing that she’s called Gracie-Mae. The song Amazing Grace was played at granny’s funeral and Gracie is a well and truly amazing little girl who brings such grace into all of my family’s lives.
The way granny and grandad looked after me and my brothers was unreal. God only knows how much time they would have devoted to their great-grandchild if they were here.
Whenever I see a random nail in a wall I think of granny because it was just one of those little things that reminds me of her. Remember those old-fashioned hanging Christmas decorations that would go on the ceiling? That’s another thing.
If I hear Imagine by John Lennon, I automatically pause what I’m doing and properly listen to the lyrics. That’s another song you see, which reminds me of grandad. Mum went to see Ronan Keaton in Manchester last week. The first song that came to my brother’s mind, If Tomorrow Never Comes.
This is because grandad always listened to it after granny passed. You know the words… if tomorrow never comes will she know how much I love her? Did I try in every way to show her every day she’s my only one?
Imagining the thought of facing the world without the people I love terrifies me. Each time my heart feels like its fell to pieces without two of the closest people in my life, there’s been the warmth of my family that’s still with me to put it back together.
If someone mentions a show like Jerry Springer, Cheers, Open All Hours etc. I think of granny and grandad.
I don’t mean to all down and dreary with this post. I just wanted to write to reflect on all the things that remind me of two of the most beautiful hearted people I’ve ever known.
I would love to be able to tell grandad that I am growing up like he said I was, to tell granny that I got my own house keys like she said I would. I wish I could show them my very own home that I’ll have in the future. Granny saved a dolphin key ring for me – one of those ones where you shake it and it has water and glitter inside it. The day it smashed in the draw, my heart shattered too.
Things are so sentimental to me. Grandad got me a dolphin necklace from one of his holidays and I’ve got the dolphin that was found from the chain after he passed. I could look at it more than one a year when I get my memory boxes out and I’ll see get teary eyed.
There always seem to be a link to them in some way or other.
And I actually know now how it feels to have something whole taken away from you. I hate to imagine what life would be like in grandad’s position when he lost the dearest love of his life. I want to go to Cornwall someday and imagine grandad sat there reminiscing on the memories they shared together. My brothers and my parents have been together but I’ve never been so it’s somewhere I wish to go.
There’s this bedroom sign at my auntie and uncle’s house with Natasha’s Bedroom on the door. I think it’s superglued to the door. It’s been on that very same door for well over eight years. I’m twenty-two but that doesn’t matter. There’s also a little yellow kettle clock in auntie Linda’s garage – it was granny’s and I used to have it on that bedroom wall.
I still have granny’s pale, flowery jewellery box. The little ballerina doesn’t work but I never want to throw it away. The same goes for this little purple hat and show ornament and small teddy bear clock she used to have in the room where I’d stay over in.
I never cried at films until I remember who I used to watch certain ones with or who used to like them – Beaches to name one, especially when Wind Beneath my Wings plays. Grandad was one of my heroes.
Whenever I see those lollies – the ones where two sticks are stuck together. Granny used to always give me those when I was little. I remember this one time she made super noodles and added salt.
“Why did you do that, Granny?” I’d ask. She would reply, “Oh I thought that’s what you’re supposed to do.”
She always tried her best, as did grandad. And their best was always more than good enough.
If I see an old woman with a long old-fashioned skirt on and a perm I wish it is granny. I’ve seen taxi drivers and men in wheelchairs and just picture my grandad. I can’t help it. And no matter how much the environment surrounding their house can change, I’ll always remember how it was. I even class their dog Sheba as my pet, she was the best.
Ah if any of you are really out there tonight and any other days or nights, please be with me to make sure I don’t have any nightmares. I’ve been having some really bad ones. A little bless from you could be all I need.
I’ll be going to bed soon. So when I look out my window as I do most nights, be sure to shine your star when I look for you.
Good night to you both and I’ll be thinking about you forever and always.