Today has been one of those days. It hasn’t been the best, but it also hasn’t been the worst. And by saying it’s been one of those days I don’t mean to convey the message that it’s been the most terrible day in the world – just that it has been an average ‘Can I be bothered?’ kind of day.
I’ve been worrying (again). What have I been worrying about? Not the biggest of things but, little things in the future. I got to the point where I just stopped and became to think that maybe if I care less about things, I won’t need to worry.
Sometimes, I’ve felt like the less important person – the outcast. There have been times where I have been proven wrong. And if it wasn’t for my mum, a couple of moments ago, I probably wouldn’t have opened my perspective on this occasion.
I went downstairs into the kitchen to get a drink and she said to me,
“You look like you’ve been crying or you’re just really tired. You’ve got bags under your eyes.”
I explained that she keeps saying this to me recently and although I was upset the other day without anyone knowing, I hadn’t been crying today. I just breathed and took a step outside instead. It’s amazing what a bit of fresh air can do for your lungs and your mind. Sometimes you don’t have the energy to debate a matter, whether it be speaking in words or actions.
Whilst I was in the kitchen mum assured me that I shouldn’t be worrying about anything and that no matter how it seems, it isn’t the way.
She turned to me, looked me right in the eyes, and said I might not say it often enough but…
It’s me and you together, forever.
This is the most heartfelt experience I’ve had today. A small token of love which carries a lot of significance.
It just goes to show you how far a little communication from the person who you need the most in that moment, although you may not realise it, can help a great deal.
My mum will tell me she loves me all the time. She’ll give me hugs and kisses. She’ll tell me how proud she is of me and she’ll sometimes talk a little too much about how pretty she thinks I am or gives me a lot of compliments at once. But I know that with each and every action, she wishes she still had her mum doing and saying the same things to her.
That’s what I’m here for though. I always want my mum to feel loved.
No matter how old, I’ll always love giving my mum a big cuddle. She should never feel like second best because your mother is the very first person who you spend a relationship with before you’re even born.
We might be pain in each other’s bum but we know how much we love each other. I might get frustrated at times but that’s my mum and you’re not allowed to be disrespectful or nasty to her.
My mum knows how it feels to have had your heart ripped out. She’s lost her daughter, mother, and father amongst other family members. She is the biggest inspiration there is.
As much as some people believe that time heals – I don’t think it always completely heals. Though I do believe with a lot of love from your friends and family, you can begin to live again.
So at the moments where I feel the weakest, I try to think about the toughest situations that my loved ones have got through and how it’s nothing as close as to what I’m experiencing. There’s always an opportunity to recover your own happiness that you deserve.
Both of my parents inspire me in some way or another. We have taken different paths, mine being much more different to my mum and dad’s.
But my dad has taken me to so many parks because I’ve always loved the swings. He has shown me the practical side of life, and as traditional as parents can be in some way or another, he has shown me what it’s like to have experienced life growing up when he did. He hasn’t said it directly in words, but I’ve gathered my own thoughts about it.
Similarly, I’ve happy to have my mum in my life as the woman who I am closest to. She had her stomach cut open for me to be able to enter this world amongst lots of other kind of pain.
You should never take your mum and dad for granted. Whoever you see as a mum and dad to you, whether it’s your biological parents, or someone who has looked after you like no one else has, show them how much you love them today.
Even if they have frustrated you on a few occasions, remember what they see in you. And you will begin to realise that sometimes you don’t need to worry at all.