Dwelling on the past is not a good thing however reflecting on the past and seeing how you have overcome similar situations and grew emotionally and maturely is a positive thing. I like to see it that way – finding something good out of an experience that doesn’t have to totally be classed as all bad.
There are things that I could have done better. They are certainly things I wished I hadn’t done. But we cannot shape ourselves with negative emotions. People handle situations differently and we all see things in a different perspective. Sometimes, we can lose track of our thoughts and travel onto a different tangent but as long as you find your way back to your place of happiness, you feel a sense of peace.
It may not always be entirely but you feel some at least.
I hate being wound up or reminded about some things but this is life. We cannot change what’s happened. You can change how you control your happiness though as you are the only one who holds the power to your heart and your mind.
I’ve often been worried about being someone who is a temporary replacement or just a replacement itself. I do think to this day that there are some things I’ve been lied to about to keep me happy. Perhaps that’s what keeps me wondering, not knowing for sure what the truth really holds. I’d rather be told the utter and complete truth when it comes to having something so intimate because it moulds people together even closer.
I might not have been lied to. But you know when you’re pretty sure that although it doesn’t come across as a lie, it’s still misinterpreted? Something has been said differently or not at all to save your feelings. When all I really need is to feel what it’s like to hear them.
I have wondered if bad things that people have said about me have been right. But the truth is, none of them are right. You are the person who knows who you truly are. While there are people who throw compliments our way; there will also be people who are judgemental.
I can be quite sentimental. But it’s just who I am. I can overcome situations, some are much harder to than others. There will be occasions where I think to myself,
“What’s done is done.”
Then, there are times when I go back into that deep pit of thoughts. I know that digging deeper isn’t healthy for anyone’s mind but we cannot always help how our mind distracts us and gives us other possibilities to consider. I would love a mind without worry but then again, I think it shows the type of person I am in the way that I care so much.
Obviously, people might not always perceive me as that type of person. I probably have worried an awful lot about what’s happened – too much. However, I am nowhere as bad as I used to be. I believe that it is natural to be concerned and care. But it’s the extreme which you take scenarios to inside your head that can affect your state of mental happiness.
Today has been one of those days for me. I’ve taken a look back on things I’ve done which I don’t like. Then I look at where I am now and I like to think that everything’s okay. We’ve all had embarrassing moments and we’ve all done things we aren’t particularly proud of but we can realise this and move forward from them.
Moving forward can be an easier-said-than-done scenario. But you can learn how to improve your emotions. At times, there will be situations when I choose to ignore what’s going on or being told. People will react differently but it’s just how I need to be.
As happy as I am I do tend to drift off into wonder then and now. Perhaps if I accept that someone held onto me because they want me rather than wondering if they could have had a second chance elsewhere, I’ll experience my freedom from this particular worry.
No matter how many years go by, I will always be scared. I know when someone loves me and I know when I’ve found someone and something amazing. But I do wonder if a little part of them wonders the same as I do. Of course, it could be a situation where they completely disagree but I will still wonder if I am the best person for them.
You can fit perfectly with someone. Everything you do together is like travelling a new adventure where you experience something new each time. And I cannot wait to see what the rest of our lives hold.
I just hope that I will fully let of this worry one day.
That aside, I know that I will continue to smile and keep my head up high. I have amazing family and friends. I have many accomplishments and a new step to look forward to. I’m going to give it my all.