You have finished high school and attained those grades you wanted. Especially in your favourite subjects. Further education at college is giving you something to look forward to. So for now, you are enjoying those much-needed six weeks off in the summer holidays.
You have attended quite a few house parties and they are fun. Like that one on New Year’s Eve. A friend of yours tells you about a boy whose was in the year above at the same primary school. He tells you that he likes you.
However, you think he is joking so you laugh it off. Although, you do text a lot. And he makes you laugh more than any other boys have/do at this point. He actually makes conversations last and talks about this, that and everything.
Anyway, we’ll go back to that.
You’ve had a high school boyfriend before – for a short duration of three months. What is about to happen is the main part. This particular boy, who you have met on a very short occasion, is texting you. You text back but you don’t think much of it. You’re quite confused actually.
You know the feeling – you think a boy might fancy you but the one whose attention you would like to grab, just is not working. You realise that quite a few people have made you look like a fool. Let’s take the time that, a guy asked you to go to the cinema. Then, on that very day, he suddenly appears to be in a relationship. Okay fair enough with that one then.
You enjoy having someone to talk to. However, when it comes to boys you’re gullible and seem quite boring because you have not had so much experience at the whole relationship thing.
Then there is that time when you see someone and before it know it a couple of weeks go by. You have been hanging around with your friend and their friend. And he’s been texting you. You receive a request to update your relationship status on Facebook. You did not really know it was at this stage. As a matter of fact, you did not really know what was going on as it is all new to you.
He does not take you to the cinema. You’ve been to the local pizza house together and he has taken you to a restaurant once when it was a quiet evening. You never stay at his house. Perhaps, it is the rules of your/their parents. But one thing is for sure, you did not really want to. Perhaps you were scared. Maybe you did not feel close enough. But you just felt quite worried about the whole idea.
However, most of it all seems fun. Or does it? Now you look back and you see a young girl who was rather gullible and was not ready to mature into a young woman just yet. Unfortunately, things in life happen and you fought with yourself to believe this.
Did you experience a ‘relationship’? I’m sure you can look back and admit that you did not. He was a couple of years older than you. He went out into town and you did not mind that. But at times, because of your age, you were mocked. You would hear people on his football team shouting jokes across the pitch about you. They were not appropriate and come to think of it, you were not comfortable at all.
When he hugged you, did you feel like he meant it? Maybe it did at the time but now, you know it was not real. You even showed up at his house once because his mum invited you round during the day. He arrives home from work and you start to wonder whether his mum or he cares about you, or whatever this was.
Like I said, you do not know what was right or wrong in terms of being in a relationship. But one thing was for sure. Deep down, you were right about the feeling you had. Your guts were telling you that, this can’t be what it is like. Yes, you had the odd cuddle on the sofa once or twice. But after a couple of months, you felt the pressure. You knew they wanted something more.
He would take his chances with sleeping over and his cousin’s and you would even lie this one time and tell your parents that you are staying at a friend’s house. You thought there was a party, but it turns out there was a bunch of people you’ve never met other than him and his cousin. Everyone is older than you and you feel like you need to make an impression. You drink wine. Have you even drank wine before?
To this day, the image of the exact bottle of wine discomforts you. You drank more than enough of it and you do not reflect positively on your actions. By this, I do not mean that you went crazy drunk and started embarrassing yourself. Quite the opposite actually. You were pretty quiet around everyone. A very small moment had upset you.
You make up the next morning and you just want to leave. This is not you. You still see yourself as a young girl who is not ready for the ‘grown-up’ stuff.
You feel foolish. There’s nothing romantic happening here. You want to cry to your mum but she is the last person to confide in. This brings me to a time not long afterwards when you say you are somewhere else and your parents come and find you. It was going to happen again wasn’t it? He tried but you did not feel comfortable and stopped in that instant before it had even begun.
Now, you look back to this night and realise that your parents were right to come and get you. Angry was not the word but they needed to protect you. And now you know.
You know that you was not comfortable and you still needed your innocence. You were emotionally and physically bothered. You were not fascinated by any of it. You thought you were because you were trying to be like other girls your age. But it turns out that, it was their thing and not yours.
Your parents come round eventually as they love you dearly and just wanted to be by your side. You don’t want to tell anyone, even to them about any of it. Things were just left unsaid. You knew this was not you, even though you tried to rebel it at the time. Let’s take in mind that, this was only another three months of your life.
You wonder why you cried at the end of it all. You question what’s wrong with you. But then, you come to your senses. You were warned. And you know it was not real, as much as you thought it was back then. They had control and it was barely lust. You were a young girl who come along into someone’s hand and they played you.
You did the right thing and deleted them out of your life. Seeing them in public was not even awkward. You hated what they took from you. And now, you even ignore it whenever they appear in public. They might still think that, you are this, boring girl. But they do not know the woman who you have become.
Remember the boy from your primary school we referred to earlier? He is still in your life. After going your separate ways, friendship and love found its way.
You see his face for the first time in what must have been around a year and a half later since the primary school visit before it was taken down. You grabbed his attention before you both seen each other face-to-face though. It was like he vanished from the world. So you jokingly made a comment about him being back.
You have been texting again for a while now. You see each other on nights out. This becomes quite a routine actually. You would sneakily find each other or happen to be at the same nightclub at the same time. And as soon as you did see each other, you would smile. Not a generic, “Hey, you alright?” kind of smile.
This was different. This was something new. It was a bundle of happiness inside you. You both shared so many laughs together both inside and sat outside on the pavement. Friends would pass comment, how you both looked good together. And of course, you would reply and explain it’s nothing more than friends. You have said this before though remember.
It is almost as though you have knocked some sense into your brain. This guy has watched you around other boys. He has seen boys chatting you up. He has hung out with you and your brother on nights out. And even your brother before you have arrived. But the thing that strikes you most is that, he has protected you.
He is stood outside the nightclub, which you are your friend are going to. You join him and your mutual friends in the queue. Let’s remind ourselves that you have been talking via text this night and you began to feel that something was really happening. You told him you missed him.
So, after many appearances on nights out this happens…
This one particular night, your heart pounds. You think more about the time when he tried to kiss you and you bit his lip because, well, you did not really know what to do! As the night kicks in, you find yourselves alone and you talk. You both acknowledge the things you have been through and how it is for the each of you.
After your first and truly touched heart-to-hearts you’ve ever had, you both shared your first proper kiss. You want to cry with happiness at how he makes you feel so safe and wanted. But you can’t. You’re on a night out. So instead, you have to deal with everyone smiling and looking towards the two of you. They knew it after all. And we will finally admitting it to ourselves.
Now, you’ve gave this man a hard time after he’s asked you several times to be in a relationship with him. You’ve told him that he will get bored with you. Oh, were you wrong! Think about it. You’ve told him things which you might find shameful or embarrassing but he still wants you.
You are now looking back on a man who has grown into your best friend and your true love all in one. You have shared your first of many things together and you are truly grateful for his existence. He has supported you through some of the hardest times in your life. You have been unsure before but you know now.
This man does everything he can for you. And all you want to do in return is show him how much he has changed your life. You are still you. You still do your own things. But he has made a mark on your heart that will never disappear. You’re a woman now and you can honestly say that, he’s your one true love.
Not many people can say this. They might contemplate it. But if they are, then they don’t have it. You don’t even need to doubt it. If you belong together, you really do know it.
This is where you believe that two people are truly meant to be together. He wants to be seen with you. He wants to teach you things. He wants to learn new things from you. He listens. You listen. When either of you cry, you’re right there by their side. When something’s bothering you, he’s got your back. And guess what, you’ve got his. Whenever either of you accomplish something, you celebrate together. No matter how big or small.
He takes you to places you’ve never been before. He wants to show you the world. It’s all so amazing. But what’s even more amazing is knowing that you can both live your own lives and be there for one another, always.
You keep every gift and memory stored in a memory box and more importantly in your heart. You keep these so that you can both see how you have grown together; experienced things together; and fell in love every day.